No hair, don’t care….?

I spent the last week “pasting” my hair to my head, somewhat resembling a Donald Trump combover. I wasn’t ready to let it go…. again….
Friday morning I decided I had better wash it. Was looking pretty patchy. Here we go, déjà vu. Another 45 minute shower… It really is the craziest feeling. Just melting off your head. Filling the drain with what looked like a small fur animal. When I emerged and looked in the mirror, I busted out laughing… A nervous response I guess? Yes, it was less traumatic to go through this process the second time around, but not that much easier. Yeah, yeah, yeah…. “it’s just hair”….. I disagree. My advise to people who have a loved one losing their hair?…. Do not tell them “it’s just hair”. Trust me, that’s the last thing we want to hear. If you believe it is just hair, shave your head! It is not just hair. It’s femininity, it’s personality, it’s normalcy… Losing it just royally sucks! No hair don’t care? I will tell myself that until convinced, but truth of the matter is I hate this!

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20140611-144333-53013148.jpgPictures aren’t pretty, but neither is cancer! This is the real deal!
My scalp was so tender, felt burnt. I compare it to the feeling of taking out a really tight ponytail. So, that afternoon my sister in law very carefully and gently shaved what little hair was left.

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Gotta put sunscreen on this white head.

I sat through my second cycle of this round of treatments on Friday. My mom was my chemo buddy this time. Counting down, 5 rounds left.

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The 5 hrs it took to administer seemed to go by a little faster than last time. Probably because of all the visitors I had pop in. I feel so very lucky to have such thoughtful friends and family. The day of chemo, and the following day were so busy for me, no time to rest. Perhaps that is why the last 2 days hit me so hard. Feeling so crappy, so fatigued. Fighting waves of nausea and crazy hot flashes. Night after night of little to no sleep, reminds me of the seriousness of this. Makes me upset that we have to go through all this “bs” again. Seeing the look of worry in my husbands eyes I realize how strong he is for me. I know that he stresses every minute of the day, loses sleep, suffers with me. We are a team. We fight together, we support each other. We share our fears, and fuel each other’s fight. I read so many stories of people who have lost their partners during this process. Not everyone can handle the stresses cancer puts on a relationship. I am so very fortunate to say that ours has thrived. Sure we get moody, sometimes bicker. Keeping a strong brave face is hard. When emotions build up, and frustration kicks in, we take it out the the people we love the most…. Then…. that big bear hug…. always fixes everything. He picks me up, he holds me up. I love my man more than life itself. I will not give up. He needs me, and I need him.

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We are a team. A force to be reckoned with.
So I guess… After reading this post, I can truly say, “no hair, don’t care!”

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. SDBC (@annmarieg4)
    Jun 11, 2014 @ 17:23:38

    There are no word for how awesome you are hair no hair, patchy or hairy like a beast. I love you girl

    Reply

  2. Shauna Johnson
    Jun 12, 2014 @ 10:22:24

    Cheri, I have only met you a handful of times but I am sitting at my desk right now reading your blog and crying. You are an incredible, beautiful and strong woman.
    I love your positivity and I will be thinking about you and cheering you on.
    xo

    Reply

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