My hair does not define me…..

It was happening. I knew it would, but this was fast! I was able to enjoy my pre chemo faux hawk/buzz cut for about 3 weeks. Everyday I would run my fingers through my hair and tell myself this was a normal amount of strands. About 10 days into treatment I did the daily fingers through the hair and gasped… This was defiantly not “normal”… It was happening! Fast and furious. It was like I developed a form of OCD. I couldn’t stop pulling it out. Well not really “pulling”, it just came off. But it was so crazy, I couldn’t stop. My head was sensitive, but it didn’t hurt. The piles of hair were unreal. There was hair everywhere.

20130124-090240.jpg
I was afraid to wash it. I wanted to have hair for my next trip into town. I wasn’t ready to be bald yet. Are we ever? My hair was getting thinner and thinner.. started to resemble a “comb over”. After about 4 days of throwing out piles of hair I couldn’t stop pulling out, and finding it in my food, coffee cup, everywhere, I decided it was time to wash it. That was the most emotional shower of my life. I describe it as melting off my head. It wouldn’t stop. I thought I would wash it, and it would rinse clean and leave what was left to still fall out. Not the case. I had to empty the drain 5 times, my hands, body, toes were covered in hair. It was very sad. I called for chad to come shave it right then.. I couldn’t handle it.. There seemed no end in sight.. He said we had to wait till what was left of my hair was dry… I hopped back into the shower. Had a melt down. I knew this was going to happen, I just didn’t think it would be this hard. Btw, the shower is a great place to cry.
The next morning we woke up, pulled out the electric clippers. I sat down, and Chad shaved my head….

20130124-095715.jpg

20130124-095728.jpg

20130124-100152.jpg

20130124-100201.jpg

20130124-100216.jpg
We did it… Deed was done… I was bald. Shaving my head was far easier than watching it all fall out. The compliments from people have been awesome. But whose going to say you look weird? This is why I love kids. They have no filter, they say what they think. My 5 yr old nephew laughs at my bald head.. He thinks I look funny… So do I. 🙂 My 7 yr old niece was scared to see me bald at first. And she does prefer I wear my wigs, but I keep teasing her that we are shaving her head next. She has a Barbie now that has cancer… This is a 7 yr olds way of coping. I am still trying to convince her we should shave this barbie’s head… My favourite comment was from a 4yr old friend of mine’s daughter…”I’m not coming to visit you again till you grow your hair back!”.. So funny. I love the honesty of children.. Nothing is sugar coated. Makes me smile, they are so cute.

I am proud of myself. I went for lunch with my sister and braved the bald. It took a lot of courage to expose this shiny pale head to the world. I sat there with my beanie on, trying to convince myself I could take it off. Funny how I can be brave enough to battle cancer, but to afraid to be seen bald in public. A few deep breaths, and giggles from me and my sister, and I did it! Whipped the beanie off my head, and ate my lunch. Yes people stared, some had a look of pity in their eyes.. But I felt stronger than ever that day. I am a warrior!

20130124-100734.jpg
I am starting to get used to catching my alien reflection, and it is SLOWLY growing on me. My hair does not define me! Bald is beautiful! ( but I can’t wait for it to grow back!.. :-P)

Advertisements

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Chelsea
    Jan 24, 2013 @ 18:44:50

    You are totally rockin the bald look! Good for you for baring it to the world. You are so brave in so many ways.

    I remember when I was younger, my much older cousin (I was around 11 and she was in her 40’s) took me out for lunch. She had breast cancer and actually asked me if it was ok if she took her scarf off her head and bared her baldness.

    I was so shocked then that she would actually ask my permission as I honestly saw nothing wrong with it. Today I do see why she asked but my answer would still be the same “rock that bald head!!” Show people just how much of a fighter you are 🙂

    Reply

  2. Shonda
    Feb 18, 2013 @ 17:49:18

    Wow this literally brought me to tears. Its day 4 of my first chemo for ovarian cancer. Rather I lose my hair or not after reading your story doesnt seem to make me as scared. Thank you for sharing.. Even if for one second it stopped all the scary feelings going through my head .. Beautiful story . God bless!!!

    Reply

  3. cheriluv
    Feb 20, 2013 @ 08:45:09

    Thank you ladies… My whole reasoning for starting this blog was to ease my fears, as well as others.. I am so very happy to hear this helped, if even for a second, Shonda. Fight like a girl, if I can do it, so can you… Stay positive and strong!
    Choose hope not fear! Xo

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blogs I Follow

Fighting Fancy

Stay up to date on Heather's Journey

%d bloggers like this: